When I got married, I still considered myself to be fairly young. My husband and I are the same age, so I guess neither of us was in any hurry. The first few years of marriage were exactly how I’d imagined it to be – happy, carefree and a whole lot of fun! This took me by surprise – I mean, who expects marriage to be fun right? My mom always told me that it was all about adjusting mental attitudes and compromising, but here we were, my husband and I, having fun like two kids on permanent vacation. Soon we decided to expand our little family and create our on entourage and now all those warnings of compromise and adjustments were suddenly so relevant.
I think women are born to be mothers. While it might not be the sole purpose for most of us, it certainly is a hugely significant one. We started trying and we really did think me going off the pill would be the solution. But it wasn’t as simple as that. Month after month, we waited and hoped that I wouldn’t get my period and when I did, the disappointment was just unbearable. Initially it was just family members who gave us advice – my mother, his mother, grand aunts – they all had a solution to offer. But soon, our friends jumped on the “well-wishing” bandwagon as well. There was no escape. We slowly withdrew into our own shell bearing no semblance to the happy, energetic couple we once were. Suddenly my husband and I didn’t have much to say to each other. I silently hoped that he didn’t blame me for our empty nest; I guess he hoped the same from me. So between all the disappointment and frustration, we decided to try other options.
I spent most of my working day on the Internet reading every scientific journal about pregnancy and related problems. It became an obsession of sorts. We tried alternative therapies, yoga, all kinds of natural remedies and even considered consulting a karmic specialist! When you’re at a supermarket, staring at the mother and child in front of you and then seem to forget what you came in to buy, that’s when you know you need a break! This stalker-like behavior happened last week and I rushed home to tell my husband that we needed to go back to being our old happy selves again. I figured that if we were going to try to have a baby, we might as well have fun while doing it right? I mean, I’d rather conceive a baby with complete joy than do it in complete frustration! So we’ve decided to take a little holiday – just the two of us, with no mention of babies or ovulation or fertility. I’m going to be my happy self again and have made peace with the fact that what will be, will be.