Let me begin by saying I envy you stay at home moms. Not for any other reason other than the fact that you never miss out on a single moment in your child’s life. No matter what age your child is, I don’t think they ever stop needing you and you’ll be there for them. For me the case is quite different. I grew up in a family that believed that as I woman I needed to have as much ambition as my brothers. I was encouraged to study and work as hard as I could. I started working at a very young age and found no trouble in climbing the corporate ladder. I got married 8 years ago and had a baby boy after 6 years of marriage.
After I had my son, I wouldn’t say that my career drive diminished, I’d say my mother drive increased. Even when I started my maternity leave, I worked from home right until 3 days before my delivery. After my son’s birth, within 3 weeks I was online again catching up with all the pending work. My company is great and they’ve been very supportive. The things is that in today’s world I think we’re able to structure our lives such that we can at least try to do it all. That’s what I did. I saw no sense in giving up so many years of sheer grit and determination to get to where I am today, just because I’d had a baby. I mean, millions of moms do it everyday right? And it wasn’t like I would be leaving my son with a babysitter or a total stranger.. he would be looked after by my mom. So I rationalized all these things and went back to work.
The first day that I had to get ready and walk out the door, it tore my heart in two. I felt like a reluctant child on the 1st day of school. Twice I went all the way to the car and came back because I thought I heard Anshul cry. When I got to work, I called my mom every 7 mins to check if everything was ok. I worried so much. What if she went for a bath and he woke up? What if she fell asleep? My mom is great and these fears were totally unfounded but still, I made myself sick with worry. By 3pm that day I had worried so much that I felt drained and headed home. Yes, its been getting better and Anshul had adjusted well. I think I’ve had a tougher time adjusting, than he has.
No matter how great technology gets, the absence of a mother is the absence of a mother. There’s no two ways about it. I think it’s a challenge for all working parents to spend hours away from their children when all we really want to do is cuddle them n’ play all day. I love it when I come home after a long day at work and Anshul will make his way to the door and jump into my arms. He does this every single day. I still feel guilty every now and then for missing out on such a huge part of his early years and I know he misses me when I’m gone but I like to think of it this way. Either I can stay at home and be a doting mom or I can work hard and give Anshul the best that this life has to offer, while still feeling like a wholesome and satisfied woman. Makes sense doesn’t it? At least for now it does.