Adopting a child when you already have a biological child was totally unheard of until a few decades ago. In fact, adoption agencies used to turn down requests for adoption from parents who already had a birth child as it was just not considered the done thing - and even professionals advised against it!

But on the other hand, it was not uncommon to find parents having a biological child after adoption. And today, there are many families with biological children, who want to adopt a child too - for various reasons. In fact, when agencies recruit adoptive families for children with special needs, they look for adults with parenting experience.

Coping with a biological and adopted child in the family is not easy - unless you are totally focused and passionate about it. Most often, parents are plagued by doubts as to how they would be able to cope with a biological and adopted child at home. Here are a few of the common fears and ways to cope...

• Can I love and bond with the adopted child as much as I have bonded with my biological child? This is absolutely important, as your relationship is to be based on the bonding that you develop. It may not happen overnight, especially when it's an older child you are adopting, and you will need to work on it. And, you will need to model acceptance, love, and inclusiveness if you want your biological child to start to feel those feelings, too.
• Will my extended family favour my biological child? Families are an important support system, especially in India, and could have a direct influence on the child. Some of them could be insensitive to the adopted child's need to be loved and accepted. In such a scenario, it could all depend on your immediately family and the personal conviction of the adoptive parents to generate a sense of belonging in the adopted child.
• How do I get my biological child to accept the adoptive child? If you don't know how your child feels about having an adopted sister or brother around, you do need to start talking about it. Because adoption has so much activity associated with it, you need to share the process with your child. The social worker doing your home study will also want to know what you are doing to set the stage for welcoming the new child, and if you have thought about the sibling conflicts that could possibly result. The more your child is involved in welcoming the adopted child, the more likely he or she will be invested in the outcome.
• How can we nurture a shared family culture together? The answer to this one is simple. Invest time and energy in building a bond among the siblings. Celebrate religious observances, holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, and other special days in your family in a way that will create lasting memories for your children. Whenever you get the opportunity, find ways to emphasize and comment on things that the family enjoys together, such as silly songs, rituals, funny stories or favourite places. For example, when a guest comments on the birthday party or festive decorations, say, "Yeah, that's our family tradition... we always do it this way" - for that would give your adopted child a sense of belonging too!

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